Of course it’s part of a master plan– are you nuts? I HAVE WALL STREET INSIDER INFORMATION THAT BILL GATES IS AN ALIEN PLANT. Think about it! I just left the Backpackers Hostel in Costa Rica only to discover that the restaurant that was booming just two years ago is as slow as molasses . The cook said:”Just look at em- they are all using the free internet pounding away on the keys and don’t have the least desire or the time to even eat. They walk around like Zombies and appear to be hypnotized or drugged on electronics. They sprawl around on their lounge chairs watching some futbul (soccer) with their headphones wired to Lord knows what. Ay caramba! What’s this world becoming?”
As I head to the bus leaving for Fortuna the backpackers are busy hooking up their ipods for the journey as well as using their digital cameras to take photos miles in the distant. With their laptop computers unzipped they are ready to report to whomever is receiving. As we cruise past rural dwellings you can see a goat tied to the front porch and a rusted tin roof, but believe it or not, I see rural folks leaning outside of their huts to get better cellphone reception. The lone cowboy boards the bus with his machete and straw hat. His cell phone rings loudly muffled in his brown lunch bag. You can hear him say: “No problema el jefe.” The electronic age is here and past. As soon as Bill Gates and Company gets all seven billion subjects on line he has it from higher authority that we are leaving the planet and heading to a brand new galaxy.
The more wired you are the closer you are to exiting. So why not open all night cybercafe’s like they do in Japan, give each person a Starbucks night drip and get really wired. They sleep in their cybercafe chairs in lieu of expensive lodging and it all boils down to the pure economics of cyber-marketing for pennies on the dollar.
People have lost their basic desire to eat, drink, socialize, and have sex and are turning into perfect clones sponsored by a higher authority. It’s getting late I see the cybernurse heading this way with a fresh drip of Starbucks double latte to get us through the night. Oh what I wouldn’t give for a few nights in my grandparents rocking chairs or even a solitude night on the beach swinging in my hammock looking at the stars. Those were the days my friend see you on the next edition. Its been told on the street, as a whisper number, that Richard Branson is building a spaceship capable of hauling everyone on earth including a pair of all the animals and all of the plants known to man- similar to the Mayan Indian exodus from the Americas thousands of years ago.
As the mega-jet heads down the runway you can hear the words:¨This is your Captain speaking: Once we shoot through the clouds and level off in altitude turn in all of your electronic equipment to the equipment manager -no exceptions! Flip up those silly little TV screens that are designed for idiots and prepare to have your brain stick downloaded immediately.” Soft cool jazz comes in over the sound system as a computerized voice from India explains where we are headed is a new horizon, a new chance to build a nation without pollution, wars, or disease. As we say goodbye to a totally ruined earth we are instructed to do better this time. Just then the electronic sensor system starts whaling its siren and a bright red laser picture drops over the fellow in the third seat. Please report to the Captains Quarters immediately as they strong arm the man in question into the interrogation room. “What’s that electronic device in your pocket?” After water-boarding, pulling a few nails, using electrical shocks to his testicles, and duct-taping his eyebrows off he said: “OK, OK, I have had enough– this is way over the top. This seems like a direct violation of the Geneva Convention or something to do with International Law or human rights. I mean you are treating me like a Barbarian. Have you no compassion?”
As they started to adjust the vise like brain squeeze, he threw his hands in the air and blurted out: “You caught me he, he- its simply an electronic detonator which will blow the Earth to smithereens. If we can’t have it all– then we don’t want anyone else to have it either.” A female came rushing into the interrogation room and told the lead interrogator from Russia that this is the President of the United States George Bush. As they unloosened the brain squeeze George said: “Hell it was a good try I almost pulled it off didn’t I–he, he.”
The audio barked out orders: “Will the following persons please proceed to the Captains Quarters immediately: Kenneth Star, Paul Dundes Wolfowitz, Dick Channey, Karl Rove, Condilice Rice, Scooter Libby, 16 person code word clearance “piffy-board” (PFIAB) , mine safety czar Richard Stickler, the Senator from Idaho with a wide stance, Mary Channey, Rosie O´donald, Richard Simmons and the President of Iran Mr. Dinnerjacket, Senor Martinez, Mr. Patel of India, Mrs. Wu of China, Ann Coulter, Britney Spears, O.J. Simpson, Chief Little Horse, Pat Robertson, Dolly the Sheep, Barbara Walters, Donald Rumsfield, Paul Brenner, Johnnie Bolton, Bill O’reilly, Janet Reno, Rush Lindbald, Bernard Carrick, Brownie, The Wild Boys, Fat Joe, Fifty Cents, Little Kim, Korean Idol star Minhye Cho, the midget tv star who was dressed in a safari outfit skateboarding behind an elephant and last seen running down the street in diapers, and Osama Ben Laden.
After a quick analysis on the earths dilemma, slow dollar, housing market in the pits and our monetary system on a downward spiral they added one more to the list. Kicking and screaming as they pulled Mr. Greenspan from his prostrate bath soak. On the way out he said: “I did the best I could to outsource all of the money- what did you expect from a shy kid from Brooklyn.” Not normally being a snitch Mr. Greenspan said: “Might as well add Ben Stein to the list he was the one feeding me bogus info so he and his buddies could short the dollar. Hell- I wasn’t able to invest in the stock market like all of my peers at Wall Street so I manipulated the dollar a bit– just at the end of my term. What are you going to do fire me?” Shooting Mr. Greenspan with a wild animal tranquilizer gun he finally went limp like a dead fish.
Strapping down Mr. George Bush in a straight jacket was quite a task. “May I ask what did I do wrong?” No Mr. Bush where you are headed you will have plenty of time to reflect. With the super-sonic module fully loaded and about ready to depart another infra-red sensor settled over Bill Gates who was immediately taken to the interrogation room. The lead interrogator said: “Really Bill did you think you could imbed all of the earth’s data in a hidden chip behind your artificial heart valve?” “I was told by my head software engineer that it was imbedded in a clear and would never be detected.” Yes we guess you thought we would never find out about you and Mr. Bush rigging the Ohio election with your electronic chip caper. You forget Mr. Gates we have the cold trail on file and we were just moments away from a Federal Inditement. Hell, there aren’t even any republicans that live in Ohio- yet alone vote for George Bush. Ohio, Michigan, and Pennsylvania are the working man states. They wouldn’t in their wildest imagination vote for a republican. They vote a straight democratic ticket like their mothers and fathers did. It’s that simple. Talk about fuzzy math you guys pulled the ultimate Houdini on the voting public.
An email our intelligence recently recovered: “Hello George! Hope Laura and the kids are doing well. Look for Ohio State to sweep the football polls. It’s a sure winner. Sincerely Bill Gates. PS Love the ranch dressing.”
The decoding department simply imbedded correct dates and switched football polls to election polls to decipher the rigged election results. Love the ranch dressing means you can bet the ranch on the election results. Good ole boys jargon. “But surely if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t be going on this mission so I ask for tolerance and a second opinion.” No Mr. gates you were beginning to show some promise by donating a few bucks to needy causes, however, it never stopped you from running your world-wide monopolies, which were not only illegal but immoral. Just think your new earth base may grow to 35 or 50 persons by the time you are in the grave and you can have total monopoly over the entire earth group. Look at the brightside you won’t have any traffic jams, housing shortages, and can fly or drive in a brand new vehicle each day. Only one problem there are no worker bees– you are on your own—just maybe justice is being served. Bon Appetit!
The red lever was pulled down automatically and the super-sonic module was catapulted into space and had the message EARTHBOUND written in neon script. Can you imagine what these geniuses will propagate as they set off to start their new society?
The leggy blonde, scantly clad equipment manager comes by and hands out our palm leaf outerwear. As we swerve toward our new galaxy everything looks lush green with a perfect blue sky. Each person is granted 10 acres of fertile soil with a green house in place which is self sufficient. It appears we have come full circle. Richard Branson came on and thanked everyone for a good flight and informed them that the brainstick download was 99% complete and once we are at the 100% level we will all start from scratch. Michael Jackson got to perform his last live performance as he moon-walked through the isles singing: “We are family!” The Dali Lama was kicking his feet out and laughing as he headed the largest congo line in the world.
A few things that will be different on our new galaxy –yet to be named. (we haven’t invented language yet.) We will all be under one God appropriately named Galaxy God and abbreviated to GG. Part of the brain download included everyone must drop all of the Jesus, Mohammed , bible, koran chatter immediately. Done!
The new GG God is in place and won’t it be interesting who discovers fire, the written word, the new language and even a social order. As a word of caution don’t underestimate Ethiopia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Turkey, the Mayan Indians, the Egyptians, the Phoenicians, and the fun loving Jamaicans. Fasten your seat belts as everyone drew a blank and the download was completed.
QUOTE: Its amazing what we don’t know.
THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW: Blackhole rolling logorisms to the nth power inverted exponentially beyond multiple parallels earth crypt equals future derivatives divided by mj-xyz17-999 ah
THINGS YOU MAY WANT TO SAVE: Our new Galaxy!
ZENTRAVELER SAYS: Your Karma slate is wiped clean its totally up to you!