Zentraveler opens weight loss clinic!

How could I achieve the status of a Doctor and bypass 22 years of intense education— not to mention owing the banking community a percentage of the gross national product?

Open your own franchised weight loss clinic. We have done all of the hard work for you. It’s so simple even a caveperson could do it!

RESULTS ONLY WEIGHT LOSS CLINIC (ROWLC) LOGO

First choose a good location with lots of walk-by traffic— often just around the corner from the hospitals or set up a kiosk in a busy mall. Negotiate a three year lease for 500 square feet and make sure the landlord throws in the first three months free just in case. Since the franchise fee is going to be very sweet you can be very flexible with your first weight loss clinic on the size and dimensions. Simply send us a digital photo when you open the doors and that’s it. Everyone is approved!

Business plan

1. Signage homemade painted on the door gold paint $1.98
2. Coin operated Commercial scales with print out horoscope which they give you +($$$$)
3. 100 business cards print them yourself. $1.00
4. Coin operated blood pressure machine which they give you +($$$$)
5. White Doctor’s jacket $9.99
6. Blue scrubs and booties $9.99 (on a budget try laundry room VA hospital)
7. Free website
8. Free blogsite wordpress.com
9. 9 cement blocks and used door for desk $19.99
10. Used laptop computer with free phone through the internet $100.00
11. Picture of Confucius, Hippocratic Code and Chinese Zen Master- print it yourself. $4.99
12. Bottle of water with paper cups. $7.99
13. Box of Kleenex .79
14. Box of rubber gloves $3.99
15. Picture of skeleton showing veins etc. $7.99
16. 4 lb. glob of fat submerged in water $4.00 ( Actually rubber at a magic store)
17. New age music free from Itunes
18. 6 folding chairs. $18.00
19. Insurance, electric, garbage, rent and misc. $700.00
20. Framed Doctor of Divinity Degree from England $49.00
21. Credit card machine provided by your bank
22. Franchise fee $100.00 plus 10 percent of your gross sales

Total startup-cost: $949.00 which we will round off to $1000.00

Footnote: When you have your cards printed they will say your name and D.O.D at the bottom. This earned correspondent status came in the mail and you are now entitled to use you very prestigious Doctor of Divinity degree at busy restaurants and airports. You might want to throw a collar on if you are really in a hurry to leave the country and receive the standard religious airlines discount.

Franchise manual includes all of the procedures you need to start your clinic.

1. Customer comes in the door you have them weigh in and bring you the results.
mark it down on their weight loss chart

2. Customer uses blood pressure cuff you have them bring you the results
mark it down on their weight loss chart

3. Customer inquires about the weight loss system-Be very Zen and don’t give much info

4. Ask customer what their desired weight would be. Make them write it down and place it
in their wallet or pocketbook. Mark desired weight down on their weight loss chart.
That’s the end of your paperwork except adding up your daily take. Smooth!

How much does the weight loss system cost? A one time fee of $100.00 with a money back guarantee and ten dollars a month until you reach your desired weight. You can quit the program anytime you want, but we highly suggest you stay on it for at least 6 months and hopefully for the rest of your life.

How does the system work? Do I receive a magic formula, special fat blocker pills, glycemic index, carbs only, blood type or a cardboard wheel to pull out at each meal? No This system comes from ancient Chinese Zen literature and will be included in your packet.

After they purchase the system you instruct the customer that they must rewire their brains and train to eat healthy, which could mean not eating 23 ears of corn at the local county fair, going cold turkey on all you can eat buffets and eating because you are depressed, elated, pissed off, football season, holiday season, or Uncle Earnies birthday party.

Note: Instruct the weight loss customer to either donate or throw out all of the food in the house and in the refrigerator. They couldn’t pay you to eat most of that crap. Did you ever seriously research the ingredients even on a box of crackers. I didn’t think so!

You are permitted to keep olive oil, coconut oil, cayenne pepper, baltic sea salt, lemon juice, vinegar, herbal teas and black-strap molasses. That’s it! Everything else has to go!

Ask the weight loss customer if it was a matter of life or death would they call 911?

Also ask the weight loss customer If the good Doctor told them that they had to eat veggies and such in order to live would they do it!

Then you explain the 911 program that is so important to the program.
9-glasses of distilled water per day
1-medley of vegetables
1-assortment of fruit

Explain to the weight loss customer to start walking everywhere they can and develop an exercise program that creates movement. You can stand in place, use a chair, or move to the music of Swan Lake. You were duped by fancy advertising, peer pressure, and just a lot of being oversized when you least expected it. Now it’s your turn to take control!

On the weight loss plan the first week you are limited to spending $10.00 on groceries which can be a real challenge to some. Be Creative! From then on simply eat smaller portions more often, exercise, and drink buckets of pure water. It so simple even a caveperson could do it— and they did.

By now you are dying to know the 7000 year proven Chinese Zen secret.

EAT LESS

Each packet contains one sheet of paper with the words printed EAT LESS in varying degrees of size and print styles, one golden delicious apple, three raw carrots and one 12 oz bottle of mineral water. The customers can use the coin operated weight machine as often as they want and can pick up a new weight loss packet for free on a monthly basis.

Quick math says that if you only have 10 customers per day that’s $1000.00 per day times 5 which yields $5000.00 per week, times 4 equals $20,000 per month and translates to $240,000 per year.

No miracle claims, no liability problems, no high insurance. What’s not to like! When you really get rolling you could have a parrot trained to thank each customer when they walked out the door to Say: “Thank You very much EAT LESS you will be glad you did.”

“Eat more ruff-age and fiber it’s good for you.”

—-GRANDMA

Things you may not know: “Not even radiation can kill a cockroach.”

Things you may want to save: BLUE-FIN TUNA —they are in big trouble.

Zentraveler says EAT LESS, eat more or stay the same— it’s entirely up to you!

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2 Comments

Filed under Blogging, health, humor, Uncategorized, writing

2 responses to “Zentraveler opens weight loss clinic!

  1. kabababrubarta

    Good site! kabababrubarta

  2. Thanks for sharing this information. Really is pack with new knowledge. Keep them coming.

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